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5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t In the Bible

16 Aug

5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t In the Bible

CRACKED.COM: 5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t In the Bible

As a predominantly Christian people, Westerners think they know the Bible pretty well. But not everybody realizes that many of the most iconic features of Christianity were never mentioned by the holy book or the church, but were actually pulled from the ass of some poet or artist years after God turned in his final draft of the Bible.
Things like …

#5.
Angels

The image of an angel is so recognizable that you can immediately spot one if somebody makes its shape in some snow. They’re sparkly people with two white wings and occasionally swords, who sit on clouds ripping out awesome harp solos while protecting humans from harm. So basically, the protagonists of the next Stephenie Meyer novel.

The sex scene will be as unsettling as it is improbable.

The Only Problem Is …

Now, there are angels in the Bible. But if you encountered some of the angels it describes, you’d probably need a shotgun under your bed to sleep soundly for the rest of your life.*

*NOTE: that is a joke. If angels turn out to be real, and you encounter one, do not shoot it with a shotgun.

There are several kinds of angels in the Bible and you’ve probably heard about some of them, like archangels, cherubim and seraphim. They all look different, and very few actually have wings. Those who do, like the seraphim, actually have six wings and need all of them to cover their body, lest they blind/incinerate whoever is unlucky enough to bump into one.

Read more: 5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t In the Bible | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5-things-you-wont-believe-arent-in-bible.html#ixzz23lEUmEgU

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One Response to “5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t In the Bible”

  1. Talking point August 17, 2012 at 3:22 am #

    This is news to me.

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